Ariel Lawhon’s The Frozen River is a historical mystery—filled with court scenes, cold winters, and buried secrets. But what struck me most wasn’t the murder or the suspense.
It was Martha’s relationship with her husband, Ephraim. Martha Ballard is a force of nature. She’s a healer, a midwife, a record-keeper, and a woman who doesn’t shrink herself to fit in.
This isn’t a love story. And yet, somehow, it is.
Not because of grand gestures, but because of the quiet strength of their bond—thirty-five years deep and still alive.
So instead of focusing on the plot, I want to reflect on what Martha and Ephraim taught me about marriage. About lasting love. About choosing each other again and again—even when life gets hard, bodies age, and the world doesn’t make room for tenderness.
💞 Desire Doesn’t Disappear—It’s Meant to Be Kept Ablaze
After thirty-five years, Martha and Ephraim still want each other. Not out of duty or routine, but out of desire. Their marriage holds moments of teasing, surprise, and sensuality—like when Martha initiates intimacy spontaneously, or when Ephraim can’t stop staring when she dresses a little differently. He finds her beautiful, even after nine pregnancies, and he tells her so.
“He doesn’t find her beautiful because she’s trying.
He finds her beautiful because she’s his.”
That kind of chemistry doesn’t just happen. They choose to keep the spark alive. With humor. With touch. With presence. Desire, in their case, isn’t about sex. It’s about closeness. And that’s a kind of intimacy that doesn’t fade unless we let it.
Lesson: Passion isn’t something we “lose.”It deepens when nurtured with intention and playfulness.
🗣 Speak Honestly, Listen Generously
Martha freely speaks her mind. She doesn’t edit herself for Ephraim, and he doesn’t shut her down when she’s angry or upset. Even when he disagrees or doesn’t fully understand, he listens. He doesn’t judge. He simply holds space.
“He doesn’t silence her emotions—he holds them.”
There’s deep safety in that kind of relationship—the kind where both partners can bring their full selves, without fear of ridicule or dismissal.
Lesson: A healthy marriage isn’t about agreeing all the time—it’s about being heard, even when you don’t “make sense”.
🌾 Your Life Doesn’t Have to Be Their Life
Martha is a midwife. She’s often out late at night, helping other women birth life into the world.
Ephraim is in lumber and land surveying.
They don’t spend every hour together, and that’s part of what works. They each have their own purpose, their own work, their own rhythm. Neither resents the other’s independence—in fact, they respect it.
This autonomy feeds their togetherness.
They’re not codependent—they’re interdependent.
Lesson: You don’t have to live the same life to build a life together.
👋 Never Leave Without a Proper Goodbye
Every time Ephraim travels—even when it’s just for a few days—he and Martha take the time to part intentionally. A kiss. A hug. A lingering glance. It’s a small ritual, but it says something powerful: We don’t take each other for granted.
Especially in a time where danger lurked in every journey, that parting moment was sacred.
Lesson: Never assume you have tomorrow. Say goodbye like it matters—because it does.
🔥He Doesn’t Silence Her Fire—He Knows How to Hold It
Martha has a temper. She’s bold. She speaks when others would stay quiet.
Ephraim doesn’t try to stifle her. When he senses she’s about to lash out, he gently tries to reason with her—not to control, but to protect her from consequences she might regret.
Sometimes she listens to him, sometimes she doesn’t.
And when she ignores him, he doesn’t lash back. He remains steady.
He doesn’t love her despite her fire. He loves her with it.
Lesson: Real love doesn’t try to extinguish your fire. It knows how to stay close without getting burned.
🛁 Protection Isn’t Just Physical—It’s Emotional
One of the most tender scenes is after Martha is assaulted by the colonel. Ephraim doesn’t demand answers. He doesn’t try to fix it. He simply gives her a bath, lets her cry, and holds her. No words. Just presence.
Later, we learn he also buys her little things without being asked—ink, a new journal—because he notices what matters to her.
Lesson: Protection isn’t about control. It’s about care. The kind that sees your pain, honors your silence, and still stays close.
📖 Feed Her Mind, Nurture Her Soul
Ephraim taught Martha to read and write—not to supervise her, but to empower her. In a time when women were rarely literate, he gave her the tools to document life, to learn, to have her own voice.
And when he reads to her from the Bible, he chooses the Song of Solomon—a book brimming with sensuality and devotion. He doesn’t avoid Martha’s body or soul. He nourishes both.
“He didn’t just want her safe.
He wanted her blooming.”
Lesson: A good partner doesn’t just provide. They help you become more fully yourself.
🤍 Trust Isn’t About Always Agreeing—It’s About Letting Each Other Lead
Ephraim moved the family from England to America. Martha didn’t want to go. But she trusted him. Not blindly—but fully. Years later, she realized he was right. Not because he won the argument—but because he led with love, not dominance.
“He didn’t drag her—he led her. And she followed because she wanted to.”
Even in parenting, Ephraim lets her meddle in the boys’ love lives without stepping in. He finds her schemes funny. He doesn’t try to stop her. He lets her be who she is.
🌹 A Marriage Where a Woman Can Bloom
Throughout The Frozen River, I admired how Ephraim chose Martha again and again. He didn’t just love the midwife. He loved the woman with ink-stained fingers and a sharp tongue. He created a space where she could be fully herself. Maybe that’s what love really is—not a cage, but a garden.
Lesson: Maybe a woman becomes her fullest self not in isolation—but in the presence of someone who loves her as she is and as she’s becoming.
Final Thoughts
The Frozen River wasn’t a romance novel. But it revealed something more rare: a portrait of lasting love that doesn’t dim with time. Martha and Ephraim reminded me that healthy love is rarely loud. It’s consistent. Unshakeable. Attentive.
And often, it’s built not just in grand declarations, but in the thousand unseen choices we make for one another every single day.
I do realize that I noticed more about what Ephraim did for the relationship than Martha’s actions 😁. Maybe because I admire how he chose his wife again and again.
💬 Questions to Spark Conversation
- What does a healthy marriage look like to you? Have you seen one in real life—or only in fiction?
- Do you believe it’s possible to keep the spark alive after decades together?
- How do you balance independence and intimacy in a relationship?
- Have you ever experienced the kind of safety that lets you be your full, unfiltered self with someone?
- Which of these lessons from Martha and Ephraim resonated most with you?
Let’s keep the conversation going in the comments below👇🏾